Tag Archives: Love

Dating online? Exercise caution!

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
― Robert A Heinlein
Who in this world doesn’t want to love ? Doesn’t want to find a life partner who will stay by his side through thick and thin, who doesn’t want a fairytale romance ? Many of you while reading these lines might be lost in the thoughts of your special someone. Lucky guys ! But many wouldn’t have ever experienced the flying butteflies a lover experiences.Yes life today is very busy, fast paced and many don’t even have time for their own selves. In such scenariois finding a person to date has become exceedingly cumbersome for many. In such cases online dating sites come to the rescue of many.

Online dating services generally require a prospective member to provide personal information, before they can search the service provider’s database for other individuals using criteria they set, such as age range, gender and location. Online dating sites use market metaphor to properly match people up.[1] Most sites allow members to upload photos of themselves and browse the photos of others. Sites may offer additional services, such as webcasts, online chat, telephone chat (VOIP), and message boards. Some sites provide free registration, but may offer services which require a monthly fee.
But is India ready for such a major change ? In a country in which prospective partners are usually found by parents , are these online dating sites a welcome change ? People resort to such sites either for casual fun ,testing the waters or perhaps looking for the love of their life. Many people claim to have met their soulmates on such sites but on the flipside many others also usually find creeps ! When this method of dating was originally started, there was an air of desperation around it. People used to associate it with those who could not find a relationship in “real life “. Though much of this perception still remains , the number of people to use these sites has without a doubt increased. But all this not without the numerous questions and doubts it poses.
Some points put forward by those who advocate this method of finding love as something that might become atleast not frowned upon of not conventional

 

  • You can find the person that you have dreamed about, since you can find out everything about them before you even decide to approach them.
  • Location is not an issue anymore.
  • You can get to know someone without the commitment of actually getting together.
  • You can get to chose people with whom you would like to meet by checking their interests and profiles
  • The awkwardness of the first date is eliminated because you have already interacted

But as the other side of the coin always exists , we also have certain issues raised by people who believe that online dating is just a short term solution which can never help you find true love .

  1. Premature frankness- when you meet a person online who seems who have a similar viewpoint on things as you do and the moment the interaction starts,you believe that you both clicked ! this leads you to be very open and frank very early in a relationship . You might have experienced that it is very easy to text a person stuff which would have required a lot of nerves on your part to say face to face. Such premature acquaintance increases your vulnerability especially considering that the person you are chatting with might turn out to be a fraud !
  2. Lies-white or malicious,lies are definitely not a base you would want your relationship to be based on.You never know whom you are talking to, what age they are , or what gender they are . What they portray in their profile might not be the actual them. Just because what you wrote in your profile was all truth, it doesn’t(and why should it ) guarantee that the person you are talking to is also speaking the truth and not inventing stuff from the figment of his/her imagination! And by the time you realize the actuality, it might be too late ! so be careful and think before you start imagining someone as your prince charming or princess of dreams .
  3.  Are they bragging? – well even if a person is trying to be honest on a site , it isn’t necessary that what they are telling you isn’t just their own perception of themselves rather then what he/she actually appears to people. And there is nothing you can do to guard against that . The profile might describe a girl as “vivacious, independent, open-minded” but might end up as an air-headed brat when you first meet her. People create multiple online personas as a means to satisfy their urge to be someone they always wanted to be.
  4. Dishonesty ! – It is very easy to conceal one’s marital status online and when you find out the truth ,you have been cheated through and through .Many married men thinking that they are having just harmless fun resort to such sites and results have proved to be disastrous for many a damsel .
  5. Undermining relationships with friends and family- In any offline relationship, friends and family play a very important role as a support and guidance source. And help one know about the direction a relationship is heading and if its working out or not. On any online relationship ,you are the person sole responsible for your actions.

Whether all these problems quoted above strike a chord with your or not, there is no denying the fact that online relationships are to be undertaken with all care and realizing that all that one might see , might not be the truth. But isn’t the current generation so addicted to experimenting ? :p So go ahead , meet people but with all due care and precaution!

Love towards fashion of Eugenie de Montijo

A famous painter named as Franz Winter Halter create a painting that visualise the garden at the Versailles , women dressing in a old eighteenth century that is made of gold taffeta and the hair of the women is made of the white powder.   This painting is quite awesome in many ways, as the dress is of the gold of the women; hair is with the white powder, opulent design of garment, visualization of the garden, fashionable style of the skirt, and ribbon. All these things are very eye catching. The next things that come to the mind is that what is this painting all about? Who is she? And why the painter made this painting of her with gold fashion dress and in royal garden? What is the story behind this?  So the answer is very simple to all the questions in one line as the last empress of French named as Eugenie de Montijo. Eugenie de Montijo was the last empress of the French and was a Spanish countess. She was born in 5 May, 1826 and died in 11 July 1920. She married to Napoleon – III that’s why she was the last empress of French.  It is known about her that she was very charming, beautiful, sensitive and polite. She was the last women to reign over France during the second empire. She came to France to educate but soon after some time she married to Napoleon and became the very powerful and public figure in Europe. If you thoroughly go in to the details of the profile of the Eugenie de Montijo, you will call her as feminist today.

She followed the footsteps of the great queens who were the good female leader during their time such as Queen Elizabeth, Maria Theresa,   Catherine, and Marie Antoinette.    She was much practiced to the Catholic and soon grounded in the faith there and became very devout of the Church.  She first time met to Lois Napoleon Bonaparte when he was at the President of the French Second Republic and soon became the attraction for Louis and the Spanish beauty was taken by him.  She had already the reputation as the women leader but after marrying with Louis the position became very strong. She was considered as the object of Louis desire but she mentioned to everyone that except her husband no one can have her. These things perhaps have knocked the mind of Louis but instead of it he was fallen in his desire for her deeply like a forbidden fruit for him. By this title of Louis the family of the Louis were extremely amused. It was assumed that Louis was marrying to the women who is below his station and doesn’t suit to the family. The major reason for the Louis to marry with Spanish women Eugenie de Montijo was so that after becoming the emperor he will have legitimate son and heir. During year, 1856 she born a child named as Prince Imperial Napoleon Eugene Louis Jean Joseph Bonaparte and he was the only child of her. This gave the future empire of the French and it seemed as the stability in the empire of the Bonaparte. She also served the public a lot and made number of public relations as being a part of the New France Government. As being a charming, pleasant, polite and simple behaviour, people of the France supported her. She attracted number of people around the world through her politeness and beauty.  People started to give the example of her that because of her the Napoleon family will rule again on France.

She was very much found of the fashion and current trending in dresses, she wore the cage crinolines first time in year 1855 and after some time the large bell like skirt. This showed that she was very fond of the fashion and garments.  She almost tried all types of France fashion garments. The western culture started to follow her in fashion and garments. Even though as it seems that her life must be glamorous and splendid but in reality it was not like that. Her life was full of the danger and political problems. As in her personal life Napoleon was not a faithful husband to her, he used the advice of her, because of her smartness, intelligent and wisdom but not supported on many events for his own sake. Sometimes she ruled over the France with her own decisions and then there will be some political and social problems which caused her in great trouble as few of the social and political people became the enemy of her.  The best example can be seen from the great work that she did and influenced to the public through the good policies and decisions but many times came under attacked by the Italian emperor so the public of the France thought it like a conspiracy for them.  This created a danger for her life as she was called as the France ruined and helping to the Italian improper because these Italians were, for them sometime Napoleon was a member. Anti-Catholic officials in the area had closed the grotto, but Eugenie was a believer and when the Prince Imperial was cured by water from Lourdes which Eugenie had sent for, the Empress used her influence to have the grotto. She fought a lot in her life and faced every kind of danger as being an empress of France. But during the same time some other emperor became stronger and the problem became terrible to secure the providence from them.

During year 1873, the emperor died and her son died in year 1879 in South Africa while fighting with the Zulus. She avoided all political issues and returned to her old villa in Hampshire alone. She made good relations with British and in year 1887 she was honoured with the position of the Godmother. While visiting her own country Spain at the age of 94, she was buried in Imperial Crypt where her husband and son buried already. This shows the life of her with passion, charm and wisdom that also includes the fashion and garments too her life. Fashion was the passion of Europe that time as most of the western countries followed her. She favoured the Rocco style instead of the renaissance style of Europe. She also created her own styles and designs too. The Tuileries was a place where the grand balls were full of dance, music, fashion and art. But the fashion became the central model there during the time of Eugenie where she changed the fashion style as in fresh and beautiful way. The Tuileries would also hold the two types of masquerade such as mask and dresses. In 1854 there was huge influence of her on the public and to the many emperors which suggest that how the fashion got changed based on her thoughts and style so the Tuileries place was full of the beautiful fashions and style.

The court in The Tuileries, were influenced and every person over there was dressing like the style of her. She dressed herself in different ways for the same day as in day time she wore the woollen, poplin or silk dresses, which was rainbow colors, plain or painted too. She was very much fond of the pastel shades like dove gray, cream, or buttercup yellow. This indicates that how she changed the mindset of the people in regard to the fashion and style.   Charles Frederick worth was an English born fabric sales man as of her dream. He was inspired by the designs and fashion and emphasized to restructuring his own design. First time Eugenie de Montijo found the dress by him at an exhibition and slowly she became his one of the most important client. Soon after some time he only designed for her and was called as the engineer of the structure of fashion design. She was one of the first women to wear the cage crinoline of his design and this was much lighter than the earlier traditional designs. She also pioneered the shortening of the skirts to feel more comfortable. Worth introduced the shoulder hung court train in fashion for her, and so she was one of the models that time with the latest fashion and dresses. Sometime later, Worth also introduced back swept skirt.

As the painting of Franz Winter Halter describes that she loved the dark fashion dresses as well. This second empire was a trend of changing the fashion for a time being in future. The second empire wanted to bring the prosperity and wellness in France. So for this time The Tuileries place was seen as the royalty will come to this place from the world. The designs were really good that time and every lady there was not supposed to wear the design twice like that.

‘He said he’d stopped having feelings for men’

Sarah Johns’ dream boyfriend gave every impression of being up for marriage, but his diary told a very different story …

I was 19 years old when my boyfriend proposed marriage and told me he was gay in the same breath. It was a beautiful day and Oliver had taken me sightseeing on one of his rare days off from his work as a lawyer. We were walking in Central Park in New York enjoying the sunshine, holding hands. A ring flashed in the sunlight. ‘Marry me,’ he said. I almost whooped with joy.

Oliver was everything I’d ever imagined I wanted in a man, and a lawyer! I was so carried away that I almost didn’t hear him talking. Almost. ‘You’re the only woman I’ve ever thought of that way,’ he said. As he pushed the ring on to my finger he smiled at me.

‘I used to think I might be gay. But I can stop.’ He went on to tell me that he’d had relationships with men, but that he’d never cheat on me, with anyone. He said he’d stopped having feelings for men. My 19-year-old self believed that was possible. I pushed all the fears into my stomach and locked them there.

We had met the year previously when I was 18 and had just started at university. I fell in love with him almost immediately. He became my boyfriend and my best friend and we quickly began spending all our time together. When Oliver was offered a job in New York I didn’t want him to leave. I begged him to look for something closer to home but he had a better idea.

When I returned from a class he was waving an American flag. ‘Come with me,’ he said. I didn’t think about my career, or the course I’d just started that I’d worked so hard for. I didn’t consider for a minute that things wouldn’t work out. I left my university, friends, family. I would have followed him anywhere.

In the weeks after Oliver proposed I walked around New York and all I could think about was being his wife. I looked at my flashy ring all day and he showed me off at parties and dinners, but he seemed distant. We didn’t mention what he had told me. I didn’t once ask him about it, as if I could ignore it away.

But Oliver stayed out late and didn’t answer his phone. He slept on the sofa. I told myself that he was busy at work, but when he stayed out all night, I began to worry. Could he be having an affair?

I searched his apartment and there it was in his top drawer, not well hidden at all, as if he almost wanted me to find it. His journal. As I opened the pages my stomach churned. Page after page described Oliver sleeping with men – strangers.

He’d meet them in clubs, parks, anywhere. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Then I noticed the dates. It had all happened since I’d been staying with him. In the last few weeks! And worse. He wrote about how he hadn’t used any protection.

I left New York without waiting for Oliver to explain. There was no explanation. He had cheated on me, but I was angry with myself. How could I be so stupid? It was New York and it was the 1990s, and he was having sex with strangers without using condoms. I was convinced that he’d given me HIV or another infection.

Going for an HIV test was one of the scariest times of my life. It was negative. I managed to get back into university. My friends were still my friends. I was very lucky. But I didn’t feel lucky. Despite everything I missed Oliver desperately.

Over the years I’ve realised that I was the one in denial. I wanted something so badly that I glossed over the fact that Oliver was gay. I’ll never understand why he felt that he had to pretend; I’m just glad I found his journal that day.

Now happily in a committed relationship, I’m no longer a silly girl who thinks being a lawyer’s wife will bring me happiness no matter what. There is no flashy ring. I have my own career. We have to work at our relationship and value trust above all things. As much as my heart was broken, it mended and grew stronger and much, much healthier.

I never heard from Oliver again and I never tried to contact him. I’ve made many mistakes over the years, but marrying Oliver would have been the biggest mistake of all, for both of us.

[Source: Telegraph.co.uk]