Category Archives: Lifestyle

Knowing your Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation concerns the direction of one’s sexual or romantic attraction. The most commonly found sexual orientation in all cultures, including the United Kingdom, is heterosexuality, a sexual or romantic attraction for persons of the opposite sex (hetero comes from the Greek word meaning ‘other’ or ‘different’). Today the term gay is used to refer to male homosexuals, lesbian for female homosexuals, and bi as shorthand for bisexuals, people who experience sexual or romantic attraction for persons of either sex. Sexual orientation is the idea that people are sexually attracted to either men or women or both women and men. This leads to the categories of heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual. Some people identify with this idea very strongly. They may believe that their sexual desires are natural, that evolution or genetics causes them to be attracted to certain people. Others may believe that they choose a sexual orientation, often for political reasons. Still others may not be concerned with the cause of their desires, but identify strongly as straight, lesbian, gay or bisexual. Some people identify with this idea less strongly or perhaps not at all. They may feel that the three categories of sexual orientation do not do a good job of describing their sexual desires. They may choose other labels, like queer (Homosexual or arousing homosexual desires), dyke (a lesbian who is noticeably masculine) or pervert (A person whose behavior deviates from what is acceptable especially in sexual behavior).Or they may choose to avoid the use of labels for various reasons.

Understanding sexual orientation is an important part of understanding the society we live in. Attitudes about what it means to be a man or a woman are often based around expectations of heterosexuality. Fear that children might learn to become homosexual, or otherwise sexually ‘deviant’, leads to a great deal of anxiety around sex education. Violence, both physical and emotional, is used against people who do not conform to expectations around gender and sexuality.

Here are a few examples of various sexual orientation identities:

  • simply gay OR lesbian OR heterosexual OR straight OR bisexual OR queer
  • “I don’t like labels”
  • “Mostly straight”
  • “I used to call myself bisexual, but now I prefer queer”
  • “I used to be straight, but now I am lesbian”
  • “I am gay, but butch dykes really turn me on”
  • “All of the people I fancy are of the other sex, but I wouldn’t call myself straight or heterosexual”
  • “I am bi-curious”
  • “I think I am heterosexual, but I am very open to changing”

Most sociologists currently believe that one’s sexual orientation – whether homosexual, heterosexual or something else- results from a complex interplay between biological factors and social learning. Some scholars argue that biological influences are the most important, predisposing certain people to become homosexual from birth. biological explanations for homosexuality have included differences in such things as brain characteristics of homosexuals and the impact on fetal development of the mother’s uterus hormone production during pregnancy.

Differences between gay and straight sexual orientation appear at a very early age. In a study, a group of openly homosexual men were asked when they first became aware of their attraction to men and boys, when they realized that they were gay and when they “came out” to others. The group reported becoming aware of their attraction at a very young age, between 5 years old and puberty. Self-awareness of their sexual orientation took place around puberty, and coming out of the closet took place much later.

Finally, there is some evidence that the brains of homosexuals may be different from those of heterosexual men and women. The differences have been found in the hypothalamus, which controls eating, drinking, temperature regulation and sexual behavior. Studies done in the Netherlands and in Southern California have found such differences in several areas within the hypothalamus. One region, the mid sagittal area of the anterior commissure, is larger in females than in males, but also appears to be larger in homosexual males. Another area, the suprachiasmatic nucleus, which controls circadian rhythm, is larger in heterosexual males and females than it is in homosexuals.

But the question whether sexual orientation is inborn or learned still remains in a controversial stage, all that we can say is in the modern contemporary world the notions of gender and sexuality are fast changing, for instance homosexuality is now a more accepted part of everyday society than it used to be before. The modern world has become quite liberal and open, this is evident by the decision of the Delhi High Court which has legalized gay marriages. The fact that, now we can see people freely accepting their sexual orientation in public which 10 years ago would have been considered deviant and would have been looked upon as sin suggests that times are changing and we should all embrace the change.

Even gender roles and traditional beliefs that girls have to be pure and chaste and boys have to be macho and aggressive are fast loosening. The age old gender stereotypes are no longer operating rather a new society which is liberal in accepting different kinds of sexualities is coming up. Gender roles and norms regarding how men and women ought to behave have undergone a paradigm shift. Girls can now be seen in jobs which were earlier deem fit only for boys. All this shows that our society has come far away from the earlier prejudices but there is still a long way to go.

 

 

The Perfect Date

Dating: an event which can even make a very confident person to lose his cool and act like a school kid. What to say, when to speak and when to just shut up and listen, where to go for the date, how to make it exciting and adventurous, how to impress the other, what to wear and many other similar questions haunts you at every hour of the day and by the time the blessed moment arrives you’re totally nervous.  Does the situation sound similar? Do all these remind you of your first date?

If yes and you have still got no answer to the million dollar question, “how to make your date a perfect one?”Let me tell you at the start there is no single set of rules which you need to follow to make your date a perfect one. The most important point to be kept in mind is that you should first get to know the other person, what does he/she likes, what is his idea of adventure, what is his idea of a perfect date, for someone it might be a candle light dinner in a posh restaurant but for some other it may be a pub or even an amusement park.

Respect the other’s wish and give it more importance than yours, it makes them feel special and lucky to have got a mate who is willing to sacrifice his preferences just for yours. You should choose a location very carefully, you need to make your date comfortable and the surroundings do play an important role.

Dress for the occasion: wearing shorts and a casual t-shirt for dinner in a restaurant is not a good idea, you might like those cool and comfortable shorts but keep in mind that you’re going out with a lady and should dress as per the occasion. Never make the other person feel embarrassed because of your poor dressing sense.

Always appear with a gift: you don’t need to buy an expensive one, just a bunch of flowers or some chocolates would do, but appearing with a small token of appreciation would surely earn you some brownie points.

Compliments and attention: Chris Rock, the famous comedian once said that any woman needs three things to survive oxygen, food and compliments. Well, this statement does has some truth. So make her feel comfortable and compliment her. Your compliments should never sound fake or too much stretced from the truth. Don’t just pay compliments like, you’re beautiful, tell her why is she so beautiful to you, tell her what do you specifically like about her but don’t overdo it, it may have the opposite effect. Every girl wants to feel special, tell her that she is different, try using adjectives like beautiful rather than hot or sexy.

As compliments are to girls similarly attention is to a guy. Listen to a guy, not just with your ears but with your expressions, your body language and actions. Be sympathetic.  Appreciate him for his efforts, say how much you liked it, and he would love it.

Talk a lot:  By talking a lot, I don’t mean mindless chatter or you telling your whole life history and the other one listening as if there is no other option. What I mean is be open, frank, don’t talk in monosyllables, try to include the other one. If your date is a bit shy and doesn’t speak much, start speaking and sharing, ask about his opinion so that he is bound to answer. Show interest and never be self absorbed.

Now you know, just put in that little extra and you can easily make your ordinary date an extraordinary one. The key is to make the other feel important and special. Let your special one know that you’re happy and there’s no place on earth you’d rather be than here.

Dating online? Exercise caution!

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
― Robert A Heinlein
Who in this world doesn’t want to love ? Doesn’t want to find a life partner who will stay by his side through thick and thin, who doesn’t want a fairytale romance ? Many of you while reading these lines might be lost in the thoughts of your special someone. Lucky guys ! But many wouldn’t have ever experienced the flying butteflies a lover experiences.Yes life today is very busy, fast paced and many don’t even have time for their own selves. In such scenariois finding a person to date has become exceedingly cumbersome for many. In such cases online dating sites come to the rescue of many.

Online dating services generally require a prospective member to provide personal information, before they can search the service provider’s database for other individuals using criteria they set, such as age range, gender and location. Online dating sites use market metaphor to properly match people up.[1] Most sites allow members to upload photos of themselves and browse the photos of others. Sites may offer additional services, such as webcasts, online chat, telephone chat (VOIP), and message boards. Some sites provide free registration, but may offer services which require a monthly fee.
But is India ready for such a major change ? In a country in which prospective partners are usually found by parents , are these online dating sites a welcome change ? People resort to such sites either for casual fun ,testing the waters or perhaps looking for the love of their life. Many people claim to have met their soulmates on such sites but on the flipside many others also usually find creeps ! When this method of dating was originally started, there was an air of desperation around it. People used to associate it with those who could not find a relationship in “real life “. Though much of this perception still remains , the number of people to use these sites has without a doubt increased. But all this not without the numerous questions and doubts it poses.
Some points put forward by those who advocate this method of finding love as something that might become atleast not frowned upon of not conventional

 

  • You can find the person that you have dreamed about, since you can find out everything about them before you even decide to approach them.
  • Location is not an issue anymore.
  • You can get to know someone without the commitment of actually getting together.
  • You can get to chose people with whom you would like to meet by checking their interests and profiles
  • The awkwardness of the first date is eliminated because you have already interacted

But as the other side of the coin always exists , we also have certain issues raised by people who believe that online dating is just a short term solution which can never help you find true love .

  1. Premature frankness- when you meet a person online who seems who have a similar viewpoint on things as you do and the moment the interaction starts,you believe that you both clicked ! this leads you to be very open and frank very early in a relationship . You might have experienced that it is very easy to text a person stuff which would have required a lot of nerves on your part to say face to face. Such premature acquaintance increases your vulnerability especially considering that the person you are chatting with might turn out to be a fraud !
  2. Lies-white or malicious,lies are definitely not a base you would want your relationship to be based on.You never know whom you are talking to, what age they are , or what gender they are . What they portray in their profile might not be the actual them. Just because what you wrote in your profile was all truth, it doesn’t(and why should it ) guarantee that the person you are talking to is also speaking the truth and not inventing stuff from the figment of his/her imagination! And by the time you realize the actuality, it might be too late ! so be careful and think before you start imagining someone as your prince charming or princess of dreams .
  3.  Are they bragging? – well even if a person is trying to be honest on a site , it isn’t necessary that what they are telling you isn’t just their own perception of themselves rather then what he/she actually appears to people. And there is nothing you can do to guard against that . The profile might describe a girl as “vivacious, independent, open-minded” but might end up as an air-headed brat when you first meet her. People create multiple online personas as a means to satisfy their urge to be someone they always wanted to be.
  4. Dishonesty ! – It is very easy to conceal one’s marital status online and when you find out the truth ,you have been cheated through and through .Many married men thinking that they are having just harmless fun resort to such sites and results have proved to be disastrous for many a damsel .
  5. Undermining relationships with friends and family- In any offline relationship, friends and family play a very important role as a support and guidance source. And help one know about the direction a relationship is heading and if its working out or not. On any online relationship ,you are the person sole responsible for your actions.

Whether all these problems quoted above strike a chord with your or not, there is no denying the fact that online relationships are to be undertaken with all care and realizing that all that one might see , might not be the truth. But isn’t the current generation so addicted to experimenting ? :p So go ahead , meet people but with all due care and precaution!

The Trendy T@ttoo

Should I get that cool, sexy tattoo on my body? How many times have we mulled over this single question but are stopped midway with thoughts like, “our parents would get a mild heart attack” or “it would pain a lot”. Tattoos are the “in” thing these days and are thought of as being cool and trendy. People have their own reasons for getting a tattoo, some do it to express their individuality, some do it for paying tribute to people while some get them for the sake of a wonderful memory which they want to keep close to their heart. Tattoo is a very personal decision, it would literally stay with you “forever” so “think well before you ink”. The first things that you need to know are the risks involved in getting a permanent tattoo.

The Risks 

  • Infection – Dirty needles can pass infections, like hepatitis and HIV, from one person to another.
  • Allergies – Allergies to various ink pigments in both permanent and temporary tattoos have been reported and can cause problems.
  • Scarring – Unwanted scar tissue may form when getting or removing a tattoo.
  • Granulomas – These small knots or bumps may form around material that the body perceives as foreign, such as particles of tattoo pigment.
  • MRI complications – People may have swelling or burning in the tattoo when they have magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). This happens rarely and does not last long.

Next, you need to find a good place about which you are sure about so that the above risks are minimized.

The most important decision is the quest for the perfect tattoo. Don’t just go for random designs that might look good, go for something that is meaningful and has a connection with you. Express something from your tattoo like a “live and let live” type of quote can be used to express your motto of life; a sketch of a Scorpio can be used to represent your zodiac sign etc.

There is a growing demand of tattoo quotes these days. They are better because they are more expressive and people can create their own quote. Choose a phrase which makes a statement not something as senseless as,” word sound power”  You can even consider using a foreign language or foreign letters for your tattoo, this can make it even more interesting.  Some Latin phrases are here for your help.

Latin phrase

English meaning

  • Non ducor duco
I am not led, I lead
  • Audax at fidelis
bold but faithful
  • Luctor et emergo
I struggle and emerge
  • Temet nosce
Know thyself
  • Veni, vidi, vici
I came, I saw, I conquered
  • Verba volant, scripta manent
Words fly away, writings remain
  • Veritas lux mea
Truth is my light
  • Vincit qui se vincit

 

He conquers who conquers himself.

If you are aware about the risks involved, the pain you would have to endure, the pocket money you would have to loose and your parent’s wrath and you still want that tattoo then you should go for it. Just take your decision wisely.

The Right Way to Watch a Movie

Many a times we have read articles suggesting us as to whether  we should watch a particular movie or not but rarely we come across articles that guide us  as to how to watch a movie. This is one of the latter kind.Movie- watching has become one of the most loved pastime for young and old alike. It is an experience we all like to take pleasure in but there are people who are capable of totally annoying you and robbing you of the fun and joy you would have felt and rather makes you a sulking and irritated viewer. If you don’t want to be that someone, then  keep in mind that there are certain rules for watching movies.

Switch off that ever-ringing phone: Yes we are aware that you are a very important person and a celebrity amongst your friends, each one of them turns to you for advice and your mobile never stops ringing and you are totally proud of the fact. But seriously nobody at the movie hall is here to know what a flourishing social life you have, so kindly keep your cell phone switched off or in silent mode.

Hush up or go out and talk : Even if you take up a call which is very important, kindly keep it as soft and short as possible. If you can’t do that there’s always the exit gate, go out and finish the conversation.

Keep your comments to yourself: You are here to enjoy the movie and so is everyone else. Its fun to come in a big group with friends but stop passing those snide comments which you and your friends think are very funny and are howling with laughter. Always keep in mind there are other people as well, so just hush up a little.

Get a room guys: If you turn to movies to spend some “alone time” with your partner by getting all romantic and mushy mushy, please get a room guys. This is so not the place for stuff like this, maintain the decency of the place, you might be comfortable with public display of affection but others are not.

Don’t bring the crying babies: Avoid bringing your little baby to movies and if you do, take the kid out when he cries so as not to disturb others.

Stop kicking the front seats: Many people have a habit to just swing their legs and keep kicking the front seat, you might not even be aware about it but you’re totally pissing off the person sitting on the chair.

No smoking, drinking or littering: Most theatres nowadays don’t allow taking any eatables inside, which solves the problem of smoking or drinking but it won’t hurt you if you avoid making a bloody mess throwing packets here and there, spreading popcorn everywhere and sticking chewing gums under your seats.

Control your bodily functions: Stop farting or burping, if you really have to do it, please go use the washroom.

let’s make sure we follow these simple rules and turn the movie watching experience into a pleasure for all.

Nostalgia -Freshie @ IIT

*considering that many of our readers might be joining college as freshmen in the coming few days , here is my take on what it felt like to be a” freshie”
Sitting in a taxi, on a hot and sultry day, moving like a snail in Mumbai traffic was the situation I least wanted to be in. But the place I was heading towards, and the joy that was brimming in my heart by the mere thought of studying there for the next five years, made me wrap up my bundle of complaints and throw it mercilessly in the manhole the taxi just passed by. Ouch! It must have said. Not that I cared. :-p
IIT Bombay – it was a dream come true. “OMG! “ –my friends had said and “OMG!” it was! The hallowed portals of IIT-B were open for me now and I couldn’t have asked for more.
Imagine the happiness of Einstein if he had developed his unified theory, or how mind blown NASA would have been if it had discovered life on Mars, or for that matter, the satiation of Coyote if he had captured the Roadrunner .Tenfold it-you get scenario 1. Okay,now imagine the terror in your mind if you had been on the verge of a zombie apocalypse. Multiply it a hundred times-Scenario 2 .
Scenario 1 + Scenario 2 -> Kaboom – You have now got the exact feelings that were playing trampoline in my poor heart. I am pretty much in control of emotions,aren’t I ? ;)
My chain of thoughts was interrupted by the sudden halt of the taxi. We had reached our destination.”Admission ke liye aye hain? Offer letter dikhaiye”was what the gatekeeper said. I fumbled through my file and handed it over to him. Then we headed towards the hostel 10-which is a place symbolic of the femme fatale of IITB, or so the website said.
The place was no Utopia,but it was a lot greener, cooler and I apparently felt as if I was breathing more easy .After a ride through the definitely “not” hyped Mumbai traffic, that definitely was a relief. Checklist -Reach hostel-check , registration formalities-done, meet mentor –check, cry over the size of the room-been there , done that !
So after all the hectic events of the day, all that was left was –apprehension. I mean, I was at altogether different place, so far from home. How was I going to handle everything? The academics,the extra curriculars, the new people? What if I am ragged? What if I am not strong enough to survive here alone? What if I am not able to make friends? The tension was killing me, along with the heat, and the mosquitoes. The rain didn’t make me feel any better .The night was seemed longer than it was. Glad I was not the only one who was going crazy.There were 800 odd students going through the same mental state, perhaps.
Monday mornings are bad generally, but are exacerbated if it’s the first day of classes.My classes were supposed to be in the afternoon , so me and my department mates decided to go over and check the venues of our classes . Economics and mathematics.Interesting . I must admit that walking around so much before classes, that too before the ones which you had to attend in an AC hall, with very comfortable seats, after lunch ,wasn’t one of my most brilliant ideas. I found myself struggling to keep my eyelids from dropping throughout the economics class. I managed. Next was mathematics-calculus. My favourite! Its gonna be easy! The first class did give me that impression .I couldn’t have been more wrong .Days passed, I adjusted to the afternoon schedule.I managed to stay awake during most classes and also got myself to scribble a few notes.As we progressed with the course- I found myself cursing epsilon and delta for being so disastrous to students. Chemistry wasn’t much better.Schrodinger-why art thou not easy ? Along with Schrodinger’s cat, “lukkha”, “sorry rahega”, “chamka”, “maggu”and other words of the esteemed IITB lingo found their path towards my words of daily use. Not that I regret it albeit.
C++ was course I loved, though I did struggle in the initial days when I found the lab assignments tough , not because they were difficult but because they made me panic. Point noted-work on that ASAP.The chemistry lab was a piece of cake, and so would have the workshop been , if it hadn’t been for N number of accidents that I had which led to a lot of earning of the canteen guy for bandages and oh yes , an injection for tetanus too.But I wasn’t the only one who was being the “bad luck Brian”, my departmen mate got badly hurt too and ended up swooning at the sight of his own blood jetting out like a fountain from his hand. Felt sorry for him, though I myself was not in a state which would qualify as much better.
Contrary to all the doubts I had, I did make a lot of friends and had that share of fun which JEE preparation had so deprived us of ! The starting few days , we all were hardly aware of studies, with all the Mood Indigo,Techfest,E-Cell and various club orientations stealing our time. Free internet-how can one not be overwhelmed by that?There is hardly something that a freshie can resist(mess food not counted, that is despised by the animals too ). Adage goes-“All happy days end “and mine ended with the onset of the quiz1. Horrible results after the horrendous exams. 8/20 was my score in maths and I could hardly hold back my tears. This was unacceptable,this was not how it was supposed to be. I have failed myself. All the depressing thoughts in the world found their way to me,as if I was some grief magnet or something.
In dire need of a pep talk, I went to my mentor. I remember what she said-“ Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength”. This place has the best talent the country has got. It’s a great leveler- you will always find somebody better than you, but that shouldn’t make one sad, it should just make one strive to work harder. IIT is the place of rediscovering oneself and one’s talents. Your only competition should be you yourself. I have never felt so rejuvenated before, I felt as if I were a phoenix who will rise from its own ashes . I was up and about and didn’t look back. We all had our fun and times of study were interspersed but I never regret making those mistakes in the starting days. I learnt and isn’t that the reason why we all were here? Life went on, quizzes came and went, assignments didn’t panic me, but the workshop sure did. But nothing made me forget the metamorphosis from a “nabdu freshie” to someone more confident! I completed my first semester with the most optimistic perspective about life that I have ever had. Eternally etched in my memory are those days.

Renturduniya.com : One Stop for all Your Home Rental Problems

Home is the place where we can do anything, say anything, wear anything or nothing at all and do whatever we please, but today we remain so much away from home that we long for the comfort and joy of our own sweet home.  While we are away from home we can’t expect the same luxuries that our sweet home has to offer but we do run from shop to shop to create a convenient place to live in, obviously we would need a soft mattress to sleep in and a warm couch so we could snuggle into it while watching the newly brought LCD Tv. Once you create your dream home, the dream shatters slowly when you become aware that the LCD Tv you want, alone would cost you around Rs. 25,000 or more and the automatic washing machine which is a necessity in a world where domestic helpers are almost an extinct species, would be another 30,000 of your hard earned money.

This being the situation your duniya slowly collapses in front of you, true you couldn’t buy your world but now you can rent it and that too at affordable prices. Renturduniya is the one store , with its office in Bangalore which provides you home furniture, electric appliances as well as home appliances at affordable rent for a period ranging from 1 to 24 months.

The Company is the brainchild of Mr. Ajith Karimpana, the founder who says that, customer satisfaction is the sole motto they are operating on and the service is designed to help those people who don’t wish to permanently settle at a place but would like a comfortable stay however short. He further adds that they are currently more an offline company operating in Bangalore but  are working to expand on the internet and have brought RentUrDuniya.com for customer’s help.Their aim is to make the website more interactive and consumer-friendly.

The site already seems to be user friendly being easy to use and understand, anyone with a faint idea of English can easily operate it, also if you are not use to internet , you can simply give them a call at their customer care no. 808-801-1888 or drop a mail at CustomerCare@RentUrDuniya.com. The website works in three very simple steps, which are as simple as placing a pizza order: just go to the site Renturduniya.com and choose the product you want to rent, call them and fix the deal and wait for delivery which is absolutely free. It is a comprehensive store which gives you an opportunity to create a home away from home.

Many a times we think why rent when we can buy and have ownership, well there is not one but many reasons as to why renting is better than buying. It is being a cheaper, convenient since you just have to make a call and wait for your stuff, speedier and you don’t have to worry about the repackaging and shifting when you leave the place. Apart from this renturduniya.com truly cares about its customers, you can stay assured of good quality furnitures, they make it a point to refurbish every furniture which is returned after use.

The company’s services are  specially required for short term circumstances when you know you’ll eventually leave the place in a year or two. It keeps in mind the graduate student who is out for education and those professionals who change places frequently for their extended training. The Company allows these types of individuals the pleasure of having a higher quality of products without the cost of a major purchase and also gives them an easy way to clear out their apartment or home when their education is complete or when their training assignment is over.The store offers many innovative and useful packages and you would be happy to go check them out and choose the one that suits you best.

My take : RentUrDuniya is a one stop store for complete home rental and that too at affordable prices, so if you are at a new place for few days and wish to live with comfort and luxury, trust me you wouldn’t regret giving them a call.

 

 

 

The “not-so” hard long distance relationship

How many times have we heard from couples living away from each other that, “long distance relationships are haaaard”. Many a times we ourselves have passed the judgment saying, “these kind of relationships don’t work”… of course they dont, nothing works on its own ….you are supposed to make it work. We all know that much ….but long distance relationships are not always bad or hard, they do have their share of benefits and funnily enough they might even seem a better option. Here are some things you should definitely appreciate and take advantage of when in such a relationship.

Your space is still your own: Your personal space is like a bubble surrounding you and you are bound to feel uncomfortable if someone is constantly trying to get in. True, your partner has a right to intrude but think again do you want his/her’s permission before taking every decision, you might want his/her’s opinion but not permission. In a long distance relationship, your personal bubble is still intact, you have your own time, you can pursue any opportunity and can freely use all your time for your interests.

Gives you time to think :  A long distance relationship forces you to go slow in terms of physical intimacy and gives you time to think before you make major decisions. You have time to dwell on questions as to whether you really are ready for such commitment. Is he the right person? Is she worth the emotional pain and the long wait? Etc.

You can be filthy: This might sound funny but one of the biggest advantages you have is that you can be filthy. You can live without taking a bath for days, you don’t need to change your jeans every other day and you don’t have to go check your appearance every time you go out. In short, you can enjoy being untidy and messy without someone complaining, “Baby, why don’t you just go take a bath”

The joy of meeting: The anticipation, the excitement and finally the joy you feel when you see your sweetheart after such a long time. This feeling would never be known to the couples who live together and this is the very feeling which makes you sure about your choice and strengthens your bond.

Increases the value of a person : Spending time apart from someone shows you how much you really need them in your life.You talk more and kiss and cuddle less. At first, this might sound too bad but it might prove good in the long run. Since you communicate more you get to know the other person really well, you actually fall in love with his/her personality rather than appearance. Being away also increases the other’s value, haven’t we heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

No choice between friends and love : Majority of couples face this single problem, if your partner and you have different sets of friends the problem gets worsened, you can be trapped in situations when you have to choose among the two. But a long distance couple never faces this problem, when your boyfriend is in  town your friends will be extra understanding since they know you rarely get a chance to meet him, while he would also encourage you to hang out more with your friends as it would be helpful to cope with the emotional trauma you feel once he’s gone.

You can indulge freely in some casual flirting without bothering about the other’s jealousy : This is truly the good part , you can sometimes indulge yourself in casual and healthy flirting just for fun without bothering about the other’s jealousy. This doesn’t mean that you have to be unfaithful to your significant other but a little flirting won’t hurt anyone and may even brighten your mood.

Saves money : You can save a lot of petrol and your hard earned pocket money…..but this can go the other way also, if you decide to travel a lot to see your sweetheart or decide to talk or text every other minute.

So next time someone says, “long distance relationships doesn’t work or are very hard”……just remember there are many benefits distance has to offer, grab them and let your love travel the distance. After all, “distance does not ruin people’s relationship, you don’t have to see someone daily to be in love”.

 

 

Suicides@IITs

***this article was written in 2011, after reading about the 7 suicides@IITs the year had seen.I was deeply touched by the fact the bright minds resort to such a thing as denying the beautiful gift of God-life !. Listening to my batchmates at IIT talking about it, I felt the need to pen my thoughts down. Hope you find it encouraging.
“Take care of yourself beta, we are always there for you”,the words echoed down the empty corridor. What I saw was,well, a bitter sweet scene-an anxious and caring mum was counselling her daughter.I knew that girl and was also aware of the fact that she had fared badly in her exams.I moved on , relieved by the fact the she was being counselled to take failure in her stride.Why did I feel relieved? ? What was bugging me ? why was I calmed by the fact that her parents were supporting her and advising her not to give up,not to loose heart???Why did the comforting words of her mum pacify me down, even though we hardly knew each other ??? The reason was that my heart was trembling with fear,my mind occupied with a grievous news that my friend broke to me in the morning ….
‘IITs WITNESS SEVENTH SUICIDE OF THE YEAR .HIGHEST FIGURE REPORTED IN THE LAST 4 YEARS’
thus read the front page news. A computer science student at IIT Patna had committed suicide .
I was taken aback.7 SUICIDES? IIT? “nothing new, it happens every year”,my wing-mate said and moved towards her room . But for me,it was as if time went still. The news had shaken my entire being.My heart pained to think of the plight of the deceased’s parents, and to think of the years she spent , the hardwork she would have done to get into one of the most reputed institutes of the country , only to die disheartened and tired of life.
Yes , I am aware of the fact that suicides in IITs are not unheard of . I have heard of many young bright minds succumbing to the pressure and resorting to such an extreme step.Brilliant brains,bright minds have been lost.
why?what led them to such a decision that left their families grieving and mourning for them?? A single reason can not be assigned as the root cause of such a step. Human mind is complex.More than one factor is usually involved in a decision as huge and as scary as killing oneself.
Speaking of reasons, some of the most debated reasons of student suicide in IITs are –stress, loneliness, severe competition, stringent curriculum, strictness and apathy on the part of instructors , high hopes and aspirations of parents, high expectations from oneself and the pressure to perform well. Highly stressful ,isn’t it ? well, the life of an IITian is like that.
Back home they are hailed as if they have come down from planet Krypton. They are looked upon as really intellectual beings who are bound to perform well wherever they go. Parents, peers and relatives expect them to keep outperforming, just as they did in school or the IITJEE. They were brilliant performers at school and were always popular. They could score high marks without much trouble and without breaking a sweat . But what everybody forgets is that in IIT everybody was once a topper. So the competition here is really of an altogether different level as compared to school or JEE days.
The increasing number of students resorting to suicide in these premier institutes of the country has left the IIT fraternity quite disturbed. Govardhan Mehta –a leading researcher and former IIT faculty member-attributes such instances to the change in the mindset of the new generation. He feels that the current lot is very ambitious and is intolerant to failure.They are used to see themselves at the top of the success ladder always , but IITs are different, here everybody is equally competent.This is what makes them feel dejected.
They are not seen as pseudo –Einsteins anymore. It has also been discussed that students here feel an identity crisis. If one can boast of an Olympiad victory,being a computer-genius,topper of school, a great JEE rank ,he will always find others who can boast of the same credentials too. So he feels that he doesn’t have something unique to boast of or be proud of ,some achievement that identifies him …
Some people take this situation with a positive outlook and work harder to prove themselves. Others, who are usually in majority take this as a failure on their part and become stressed. And if one goes into the abyss of despair once, life looks more and more entangled and the poor soul soul searches for escape and relief from his life.
Thus stress the root cause of more malaises than what was previously thought. YES, STRESS KILLS!!!!!!
Most IIT administrations have by far largely blamed internet and computer usage as the root cause of the problems of the students. All night long hacking competitions, gaming, music downloading, file sharing, chatting et al – all conspire to ruin a student’s academics. Due to all this ,half the junta doesn’t go to the morning lectures and those who go usually sleep off in the class, and those who don’t look asleep are those who are present in the class physically but are mentally are off somewhere to their own world, not resulting in any attention to the professor’s words. Due to these considerations IIT-B has introduced a LAN –BAN from 12 at night to 7 in the morning.Data caps exist in other IITs.An appreciable step indeed.
Human nature is such that high self-expectation creates within us an ego-centric attitude,which in a state of depression fills our minds with negative thoughts and provokes a cowardly act like suicide.
What these people forget is that “COMING TO IIT IS ONLY WINNING HALF THE BATTLE”. The societal and peer pressure surmounts in the campus life and it is not easy for one and all to realize the dreams they once cherished . And parents , they play a pivotal role in lowering the stress threshold limit of their child due to high expectations. Many students kill themselves because of the fear that their parents will not accept failure …
Well there are many ways by which you can put back the “ SUPPOSEDLY BROKEN PIECES OF YOUR LIFE”. You can take help of stress management professionals, psychologists and try to calm oneself down. A pep-talk with a friend can make you feel all light and energized.Due to this the concept of room-sharing has been introduced.NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG TO REMAIN UNSOLVED. As far as the educational system is concerned, can’t possibly overhaul it overnight. It needs highly organized thinking and time. A small step at a time is wise idea just like the student mentorship program is an innovative and powerful step towards directing students towards the right approach of life at IITs.Some instructors can be unfair,just like some students will be rule breakers.Life’s like that . We should not try to mend something that is not broken.
I seriously feel disgusted at the act of committing suicide.
You might have problems in academics –agreed,you might be a five point someone or four point someone for that matter , you might have not landed with a plum job ,you might be having adjustment problems . COME ON , this is life !! It is not supposed to be fair,you have to wind you life up by yourself by maintaining a positive outlook and trying to rediscover yourself !!!! IT IS MORE IMPORTANT IN LIFE TO UNDERSTAND AND REALIZE THE BIGGER PICTURE AND IT IS FUNNY HOW THINGS THAT WE ARE SO WORRIED ABOUT NOW DON’T REALLY MATTER MUCH IN THE END .It is really frustrating to see young lives perish. It is painful to hear about their demise because they could not fight with life ..They should be taught stronger and bigger aspects of life.Remember-”When we look back when we were in trouble ,those troubles look quite modest in the hindsight. that should teach us how to deal with problems and solve them successfully.” WHENEVER ONE GETS DEPRESSING THOUGHTS ABOUT ONE’S WORTHLESSNESS, ONE SHOULD REMEMBER THE LOVE OF OUR PARENTS AND MAKING THEM PROUD BY FIGHTING HARD AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT PUSHES ONE BACK AND EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THIS STRIFE OF LIFE AND SAY ” I FOUGHT AND WON ” A LIFE IS TOO PRECIOUS TO BE WASTED … PLEASE GIVE YOUR LIFE A SECOND CHANCE, BELIEVE ME ..IT’S WORTH IT ….

Why fall in love with a geek!

Remember the days when geeks were considered to be lousy lovers? Back to the present, the scene has changed.

Strangely now, being a geek is the in thing. Forget all those romantic movies where a geek is made a sacrificial lamb. It’s no longer the case. Girls today consider geeks as cool and great lovers too.

Here are reasons why you must fall in love with a geek

A geek’s first priority is you: You mean the world to him and he will go out of his way to prove that. If a geek has to choose between hanging out with friends and spending time with you, he would definitely choose the latter. They are loyal and expect the same from you too. And if you happen to marry him, then you have found a great husband and a doting father for your kid.

Geeks are romantic: We live in a techno-age where guys find it better to send e-cards than spend on real cards or roses. While most men find it too silly to leave love notes, a geek actually loves to do this to make an impression and make you feel important. A geek will make every effort to profess his love for you in the most romantic ways.

Geeks are brainy: A geek is immensely talented and never gives up when it comes to learning a skill. In fact, he will be the trouble shooter should your computer breakdown. Geeks are great problem solvers.

Geeks can be fun to be with: A geek would rather prefer to spend time playing video games and surfing the internet than going out. So there’s no way you will get bored with him. He’ll keep you occupied with several interesting activities. What’s more? You can learn from him too, he will only be too glad to teach.

Geeks are genuine: The psychology of geek goes something like ‘I am lucky enough to have found a girl’ and thus he wouldn’t want to risk cheating on you for the fear of losing you. A geek believes in long term relationships.

Geeks are sensitive: They are so loving, courteous and broad minded people that they wouldn’t hurt you. A person with a big heart, they are sensitive to your emotions.

Geeks are self-confident: A geek might be naive, but never once does he display lack of confidence or determination. Even though they don’t care much about their looks, theirintellectual competence does bother them. Also, urban dictionary defines geeks as “people you pick on in high school and wind up working for as an adult.” Hence, if you are dating a geek, you know he was a good catch!

[This article was originally published at The Times of India by Reshmi AR]